Mentors: Birthing Struggle is Nature’s Way of Preparation

The Butterfly: You’ve probably heard the story about someone who tried to help a butterfly out of its cocoon by slitting the cocoon open. The butterfly that emerged had small, unformed wings, could not fly and died soon after.

It’s a scientific fact that the butterfly needs to struggle at emergence in order for its wings to work. It seems that some species can inject the fluid into their wings from their abdomen after emerging from the cocoon. the person — out of kindness and his eagerness to help — had failed to understand was that the tight cocoon and the efforts that the butterfly had to make in order to squeeze out of that tiny hole were Nature’s way of training the butterfly and of strengthening its wings.

It needed the struggle out of the cocoon to force the fluid into its wings to stretch and open them so that the butterfly could fly. By trying to shortcut the process, the man had instead doomed the creature.

The Toddler: who is carried around because in watching them struggle to stand up and walk it seems more efficient to pick them up. No scientific research needed to imagine the outcome.

The Newborn: Whenever a new life is ready to be born, the effort it takes to break out of its shell is monumental! This is the will to live. It is the life force expressing itself in its most direct, focused and purposeful way. Birth energy. The emergence and initiation of a new manifestation. It’s a life and death struggle. Leave the familiarity of your cocoon and you face the fight of your life, with no guarantee of victory. Stay and you will surely perish. Life cannot flourish in the now-ruptured husk that supported its gestation. It must move beyond what was. There is no going back.

It’s truly a heroic struggle. There are obstacles that must be surmounted, and although this can be exhausting or painful, the truth is they are making you stronger. You gain benefits that you would miss if you don’t go through the struggle. Your “fighting muscles” are activated, empowered and given permission to integrate with the rest of who you are.

A human birth example is how babies born by caesarean section are not as protected against some health problems later in life as those who come into the world through a vaginal birth.

The Facts

Sometimes, a little extra effort is precisely what prepares us for the next obstacle to be faced. Anyone who refuses to make that effort, or gets the wrong sort of help, is left unprepared to fight the next battle and never manages to fly off to their destiny.

So, even though you may feel exhausted, discouraged, anguished or resentful as you go through the battle, you are actually building up strength in body, mind and spirit. You might wish it would just be over, but it is what it is and it takes as long as it takes.

This may not sound very inviting, but it is the stuff that forms and sculpts who you are, who you become and what you are capable of doing.

This sets the stage for a heroic battle to overcome obstacles that leaves you empowered, strengthened and increasingly capable grabbing the brass ring in a more positive future.

Are you ready? Gird your loins.

The Struggle Is Necessary!

Lesson for Mentors

Sometimes it is hard watching someone you care about struggle. It could be a spouse trying to succeed in the workplace, a child grappling with school, a mentee endeavoring to get a business off the ground, or a friend dazed by a painful divorce.

While it is instinctive to want to help (and we often do by giving unsolicited advice), sometimes we need to learn to wait and let the process unfold on its own. We can watch and be there should any help be required, yet not intervene when there is no real need to.

The wisest people I know practice this. When you’re going through a personal challenge, they make it clear that they are there but that you need to deal with it yourself.

In my younger years this response would drive me up the wall, because all I wanted was for someone else to step in and make everything alright. Now I understand where they come from, and am trying to do the same myself.

The Application

Can you think of a person who is going through a hard time right now, whom you’ve been trying to help but ended up frustrating both yourself and that person?

Perhaps you need to stop trying too hard as well, with regard to a specific person or situation in your life right now. A good question to ask would be: are you trying so hard to make yourself feel better, or because it will truly improve the situation?

Unfortunately sometimes the answer is clear only in hindsight. We have to make enough mistakes to start to recognize when the situation is like the butterfly and the cocoon, or when it is something else.

Wisdom certainly does not come easily, and perhaps that is the struggle that you and I have to go through on our own as well.

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Dr. Rajiv Tandon is an Entrepreneur, Educator and Mentor. He facilitates peer groups for CEOs of fast-growing companies in Minnesota. To learn more, sign up to get the email newsletter.