8 Ways to Quickly Build Trust in Your Mentees
Trust is an integral of a relationship. Without it, any relationship is a meaningless dance- a ritual, performed to satisfy an imposed objective with no chance of having any beneficial results.
Trust takes on even more significance in a Mentoring relationship because often the people may not know each other well. The time is short, stakes are high and the pressure intense. Yes, mentor and mentee share success stories but also many confessions about their failures and blunders. They reveal many details of their lives and share secrets not open to anyone else.
Yes Sir, even grown men learn to bond like teenage girls!
The mentees must trust the mentors because they are their guide, who shines a light into a dark path, strewn with sharp pebbles. In turn, mentees also have to be trustworthy, themselves, to get the most out of the partnership.
Since the partners do not have a lifetime of relationship, trust has to be developed quickly. From my experience, I have distilled the various ways of quickly building trust to 8 key attitudes and behavior:
Shared Values: It is most likely that the people you trust are those that you have spent a lot of time with or have had a shared experience; a family member or a class mate from school or college. It is the same idea of building trust between a mentor and mentee. I always begin by sharing quality time with a potential mentee, particularly trying to identify and relate to common experiences. The details of the business will come later. Explore those areas where your values do mesh.
Prove Loyalty in Word and Deed: One of the most important steps in building trust is to do what you say you will do. Even if it is a small thing, when you make a promise, you must keep it.
Promises made and promises kept result in positive work outcomes. They also cements the belief that you will be dependable in the long-term.
Sometimes you cannot keep a promise you’ve made, explain face-to-face why you cannot do as you said you would. If your promise was a major one, you may need to make a new promise to make up for it. Be sure to keep this new promise, no matter what! Your word better be your bond.
Sometimes, especially during an adversity it is enough to reach out to other people. It is therapeutic by itself to have silent people who are just sitting with people, giving them reassurances. (Related post: 6 Point Mentor Support When Events Get You Really, Really Down)
Keep it simple: Complicated strategies are prone to misunderstandings. Keep conversations and directives simple enough that they are not misunderstood or misinterpreted. This is particularly important when you have a disagreement on direction or there is a need to pivot. After a complicated discussion we need to articulate in very simple terms, what is going to happen. Close by reconfirming,“ So are we clear that you will… and I will….”.
Tell the Truth: Honesty is really is the best policy. The most important time to tell the truth is when a white lie or avoidance would be more convenient. Besides truth and regular communications it is important to be transparent and consistent. Share information openly and regularly. Even when it is bad news, people would rather know the real issue than assume the worst. Honesty, occasionally demands to have a fierce conversation. In some situations that may be the only way to get impact. Failing to intervene would actually be doing a disservice.
Share your Opinion: not just hard facts. Your opinions, full of doubts and vulnerabilities rather than cold facts, actually encourages trust.
Loyalty in the face of adversity: New Ventures are a pit full of problems. Adversity in the form of things not working out will come often enough. It is important that you stand by the mentee especially when the chips are down. Make sure that the mentee knows that your unconditional support is always available. (Related post: 5 Lessons to Learn When You Fail)
Be Vulnerable: People need to prove themselves to be trustworthy. Prior references help, but people must prove with their actions that they can be trusted. Early in the relationship, give things to do to see the follow through. Giving an instruction of “Use your good judgment” does open you up to be vulnerable. However, giving away that authority early, prepares people to succeed. They will then trust themselves first, opening them to trust you as an ally in their journey.
Mutual work productivity: Help out in small and big things. This is especially helpful during some kind of crisis.
Confrontation builds trust: A healthy conflict often generates progress. I have actually seen such confrontation ending up building trust. You may have to act as a “Dutch uncle” but you are still indulgent and permissive with the best intentions for your mentee. Above all, you do not mean or want to do any harm. So, it is important to keep reinforcing the concept, “As your mentor, I am your greatest critic and your greatest cheerleader.” (Related post: Mentor Carefrontations: The Dutch Uncle Approach).
Alas, there are occasions when trust is lost and the chance to revive it are slim. That is the time to say good bye. And say it with finesse. (Related post: When it is Over, End a Mentoring Relationship with Finesse)
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Dr. Rajiv Tandon is an Entrepreneur, Educator and Mentor. He facilitates peer groups for CEOs of fast-growing companies in Minnesota. To learn more, sign up to get the email newsletter.
