6 Point Mentor Support When the Events Get You Really Down
An entrepreneurial journey is fraught with problems.
No entrepreneur escapes without having a fistful of very difficult challenges. Some of those can be really, really painful. Excruciatingly painful- because, more than physical pain, it is also emotionally draining.
On top of it, the thorny road is also a very lonely path. There is no one who fully understands what is really going on inside of you. Not your co-workers, not your friends and not even your family. The entrepreneur puts on a brave face, because that is what is expected of them. But, the insides are on fire!
I have been there and gone through that agony. I have also seen many of my mentees show the same strains. It is an occupational hazard. The job stress does not remain confined to the workplace. It spills over to the home front and personal life. Depression, absence from physical exercises and lack of sleep due to mental disequilibrium takes its toll. The viscous cycle takes you down a vortex where even the good things begin to suffer. It can make a grown person cry!
Except you cannot! You are supposed to be the pillar of strength. If you collapse the entire house of cards will come tumbling down. So, you smile, a fake smile and suffer.
Dr. Rachel Yehuda, of Yale Medical School is an expert on post-traumatic stress related to PTSD. When confronted with extreme stress, the body releases hormones-1 that help in dealing with the stressor. Once the danger has passed, other hormones-2, help terminate stress-activated body reactions. She says that while the body is biologically designed to cope with stress, it does tax its resources. Also, people release different levels of the two types of hormones. This leads to some people who are resilient and others who retain the effects of stress; so much so, that they pass it on to their future generations. To deal with it, one of her suggestions is really quite simple. “People, in general, are more inclined to not comfort a trauma survivor, to not talk about it. It’s uncomfortable.” But, she says,”Reach out to other people. It is therapeutic to have silent people who are just sitting with people, getting them a glass of water.” She cites the good results from veterans, who themselves went through the same circumstances, and are reaching out to help others who are less resilient.
Her findings, in my opinion, apply to a wide variety of stressful situations and position the mentor as a great resource in a traumatic situation faced by the entrepreneur. They understand the true pain and can walk the entrepreneur through this difficult period. Most other people avoid discussing the painful topic because they do not know how how to deal with it. The mentors, on the other hand, have been there themselves and have personally felt that same excruciating trauma. They can relate!
Having been both, a mentee and a mentor, I strongly believe, it is part of the mentors “job description” to keep the motivation of the Entrepreneur up. Reassurances and, most importantly, giving comfort is part of their charter. They should make sure that the mentee knows that their unconditional support is always available. I believe that this support can come through the following acts:
Presence
At a point of crisis, it is not about giving great advice- it is about being there. Demonstrate your support by listening and being available. A mentor who deals with the mentee in this manner, at the time of adversity, can deepen their relationship well beyond the surface level. We connect when we understand each other’s pain. This simple act will pay rich dividends of trust after the crisis blows over.
Comfort and Compassion
The primary role of a mentor is of a confidant. In a situation of adversity they provide compassion and comfort. They share their own experiences as well as those of others, that they know. It helps. If an entrepreneur can unload their issues to you, they need not expend energy trying to suppress or ignore these issues. The most comforting words I heard from my mentor, in my time of neeed, were, “You and I, together will work this out”.
Share the Load
Mentors can provide the needed help to take charge of a few things to decrease the burden. They need not be big things, little things will do! A helping hand is all that is needed to demonstrate that the entrepreneur is not alone. It also communicates a very clear “The show must go on” attitude to everyone around.
Coping Strategy
As I get older I understand that the daily aches and pains are a sign that I am still alive. Stress and failure are littered on this chosen path. Mentors can help the entrepreneur in getting up and in rejoining the battle. It is more useful than moping about it.
Find Purpose in the Problem
Trust the benevolent Universe. Everything happens for a reason. Viktor Frankl in his classic book Man’s Search for Meaning chronicles those who survived, and ultimately thrived, were those able to find meaning even in the most horrific circumstances.
Look for the Golden Nuggets within the Failure
The usual assumption is that when something fails, everything leading up to it was wrong. All pieces need to be discarded. Reality is that, within the ultimate failure, there were a number of things that did work. They are of great value. Looking for and identifying those nuggets in the sand can not only change the overall mood but can actually shine a path for eventual success. It is worth seeing DeAnna Murphy’s Appreciative Inquiry that presents the concept of mining failures for those elements that can be a springboard to success.
A mentor can be a worthy counselor in the time of need. Readers: Recall when you were down in the dumps, and it seemed all dark, who came through for solace and heartfelt advice? What did they say? Who was your supporter during a true adversity? What did they do?
In my own journey, when I was faced with such a situation, the soothing balm was applied by my mentors.
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Dr. Rajiv Tandon is an Entrepreneur, Educator and Mentor. He facilitates peer groups for CEOs of fast-growing companies in Minnesota. To learn more, sign up to get the email newsletter.
